I would have to say unfortunately, that no one really KNOWS me. (which when you say it out loud or actually type it out, sounds a lot worse than it does in your head.)
Do you realize that all social media is, is a snapshot? A 10-15 second video clip? It is the moment in a long period of time, that someone decided was worthy to share with you.
A very accurate and dead on depiction of social media, that I don’t think most of us notice.
But my life isn’t just like this on social media; it has been like this in my reality my whole life as well. I am very transparent with my destination; not so much with the journey.
Before I go any further I HAVE to shout out the stunning Ms. Rivera. Not only is she my favorite blogger, but one of my favorite people in this world. Absolutely admire her as a writer and as a woman; and I stole the social media quote from her “Behind The Curtain” post… Go check her out! THANKS D!!
That post is the reason for me creating this one.
I’M A PRETTY SHADY DUDE:
… and that’s all I have to say about that.
Lol nah… Opening up, definitely about my emotions, has never been the most comfortable thing in the world for me. It makes me difficult to read and get too close to. Something I didn’t even care to understand until lately…. All my past interactions with women are starting to make sense now.
Sorry ladies =/
But I could have died happy with no one knowing me and my struggles. It just wasn’t any of anyone’s business. My trouble, my problem. Little did I notice that when people get close to you, your burdens can become theirs too. And not letting those people in can be hurtful. And for that again:
Sorry ladies =/
I am just naturally a loner who internalizes everything. But I have been trying hard this past year to change that up a little bit. I’ve realized that opening up isn’t the worst thing in the world… who would have guessed!? This account has helped me keep some of my sanity tremendously.
I’m trying ladies =)
BACK TO THE POINT:
Reading “Behind The Curtain” reminded me of my truth, and helped me realized another one. I was reminded that I’m a shady mf’er, and that no one knows my story; nobody knows ME. They just know what I share… which is very limited in respect to everything that I have been through in my life.
I could write a book (or at least a pretty lit Netflix doc) about all the shit I have been through since 2012 alone. But I would never do that. I’m not an open book, and I never will be…. To everyone.
I have tried hard to open up more to my friends and family in person and over social media, to let people in and become more personable to those who are interested; but there is still a wall…. It was pushed back a couple yards, but it’s still there.
That is what was reminded to me about myself, but this is what I finally realized about myself:
I NEED TO FIND THE ONE:
The one I will open up to.
The one I can tell my whole story to.
The one that will KNOW me.
I don’t want to leave this earth with NO ONE knowing my story. Almost seems like a waste of a life. Right?
I gotta drop these walls for someone, so Ms. The One, I’m coming to let you behind this curtain!
“Bunches of Love” post coming soon